Wednesday, July 25, 2007

I am ever so pregnant. And, by the way, the first trimester sucks. It suuucks.

When the husbo and I decided to "get knocked up" as he so delicately put it, I figured we'd have months before anything happened. It only takes minutes when you're a 17 year-old virgin on prom night, but it takes blood, sweat, tears, and insider ovulation information when you're actually trying. So I thought.

Anyhoo, turns out I am fertile, and I found out in early June that I was preggers. Two weeks later, I went from having no preggo symptoms at all to major flu-like fatigue, minus the flu.

It is amazing how little you are prepared for the first trimester, or, really, how little you can prepare. A tried and true hypochondriac with irritable bowel and a wonky stomach, I naturally assumed my Achilles heel would be vomiting. So. I did all my research on morning sickness and B6 and ginger tea, only to find that I was not a vomiter. Nope. Mildly nauseous, yes. Puking, no.

So, for those of you newbie preggos, I've put together a little list-y of all my first trimester obstacles that were so daunting. Yes, I'm going to say "were" because I'm in my 12th week, and I have high hopes that my fatigue will disappear in much the same way my flu-like symptoms did. Now, this is my list of uglies. Yours will differ, I'm sure, as that is the curse of the preggo. No two pregnancies are alike and no matter of planning will save you.

1. I am tired. So-ooo tired. I get up, make breakfast. Nap. I walk the dog. Nap. I write an email. Nap. I've had to stop working because I nap so much. "Excuse me, Ms. Employer, ma'am, but it's time for my two and a half hour nap. I'll see you at 4. I'm sure you understand."

2. The only thing worse than the nausea, and it's a close call here, was the perpetual flu-like symptoms. I can only describe it as that all over icky-body feel you get before being socked by the flu. It was hell, but it appears to be over. (Please, God, please, please, please...)

2. What they say about food cravings and aversions seem to be true, in the sense that, yes, I have had both. Despite the emphasis on healthy eating, I can't imagine anything more disgusting than green vegetables, olives, peppers, or onions. They give me gas, and they taste bad on the way back up. (Oh yes, lovely visual there.) If I ever wanted to throw up with this pregnancy, I'd throw a handful of black olives down my throat and wait for the excitement to begin. I can only seem to choke down white bread (something I had stopped eating years ago in favor of the healthy grainy kind) and other similarly simple carbohydrates. But somehow I still have room for pizza. Greasy, pepperoni laden pizza. And, McDonald's, where are you in this East Anglian wilderness? I want a Big Mac.

3. Because my baby-to-be has taken my body and my diet over To The Darkside, I have had to count on good old Pregnacare to see to my body's needs. I am of a strong suspicion that these supercharged vitamins are responsible for my mid to late afternoon nausea. But I can't stop taking them. I think they may be the sole nutritious thing I eat in the course of a day. Except for the vitamin fortified cereals and ovaltine. Good ol' ovaltine.

4. Oh, the constipation has been a bitch, too. I am nothing if not regular (or was) but since the onset of pregnancy, I have seen two days go by sans bowel movement. I have tried citrucel, but that leaves me even more bloated and gassy. And I'm not even going to go into what "even more" means in this case. Suffice to say, I cradle my angry belly at night, not to commune with my still pea-sized shape child, but to soothe the rumbles in the tumbles.

5. Thank GOD, I was healthy and in shape before this pregnancy began. Something I'd recommend to every preggo-to-be, btw. My fitness routine has taken a serious dive. I mean, if I'm wiped after an email, how can I possibly sit on a bike for a measly half-hour of cycling? Short answer, I can't. Or, I do try, on occasion, like three times a week, and then sleep for two hours after.

6. My skin, particularly around my mouth, chin, and nose, has dried out to the point of being red and rashy. I have a little red ring around my mouth and nose. It is not pretty, and it can't be moisturized away...

7. But, frankly, that has bothered me little compared to everything else. The "everything else" is what makes me feel icky and gross and unattractive all over.

8. Can I just say that I am floored that, after one pregnancy, there are women who want more children. Maybe, the joy stupefies you into thinking that everything that went on in the previous months was actually honky dory. Is this what happens? Stupefication? I shall have to be on the lookout for this, as I think one child is enough for me...

If I have any more, they will have to be adopted.


Blogger montchan (MJ Bliss) said...


I can't relate to the rest, but your graphic descriptions and details were very convincing.

8:05 AM  
Anonymous Kinuk said...


I'm in my 37th week and it does get easier. The first 15 weeks were hell on toast, though. Pretty much as you described, but I had Christmas cooking smells to double the pain. The next trimester was fine (but I was still sleepy) and the third has been bearable. Hang in there and eat what you can!

2:34 AM  

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