Thursday, August 02, 2007

Notes from a Crazed Yankee Preggo in the UK: I'm a lousy driver, Hinchingbrooke is lovely, and I want a cookie, dammit...

...So raves the mind of a once exuberant young woman on pregnancy. (Cast your mind back to the '80's: This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?) I don't expect the following to be any more than a stream of consciousness rant you may or may not want to follow, but so works the mind of the hysterical preggo...

First, Despondent Jacki: I suck at driving. But I partially blame the UK for designing tiny little lanes, incessant roundabouts, and bizarre traffic islands, i.e., minefields. Okay, the fact that I almost crashed into the car on my right-hand side was probably my fault, but, but...Oh crap, I have no depth perception or whatever you call that ability to judge that distance between your car and another car. I suck. I will always suck and nothing will change.

Second, Cloyingly Happy Jacki: Oh sweet Jesus, Hinchingbrooke is a lovely hospital, isn't it?! The midwives are so nice! I saw my baby today! The projected due date is February 14th, Valentines Day, and the anniversary of our first date! Isn't life wonderful?! Yippety skippety Junior's alive and kicking! Tra-la-la!

Third, Whiny Jacki (often mistaken for Despondent Jacki and vice versa): I miss working. But how can I work when I feel tired for three-quarters of the working day? I nap between 12 and 3 and ain't nobody taking that away from me. They could try, but then I'd be like a wide-awake drunk. Good for nobody. Whah!!! What do I do? Wait for the baby to be born? Wait until we leave England, as we may do in March? My life is spinning out of control.

Fourth, Hungry Jacki: Is that a cookie? Yes, I'd like a cookie.

Fifth, Sleepy Jacki: Yum. Good cookie. Maybe, a little nap. Yes, just a little...




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